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Mean girls

Fef, I miss your friendship very much. I wish we would talk again. I never wanted to stop talking to you. Why did you to me? There's so much I wish I could say to you.

R, how could you think I would do anything so silly as that in the first place, have you thought of 1 good reason, let alone 1 any reason at all as to why I would do something so silly?? I didn't think so. Because I didn't and wouldn't. At first I felt shock and loss, then I felt offense and betrayal as to how could you think that and since you do think that I feel as though you never knew me at all. Now I feel as if this whole ordeal is a blessing in disguise. Our friendship has not been a healthy one for a long long time. Farewell.

Dec. 9th, 2014

You should only surround yourself with friends who want to empower you and make you want to be a better person. Sometimes I get lonely and have been quite a hermit over the past year but I am overall glad I gained the courage to cut out the people who did the opposite and made me feel shitty about myself, made me second guess myself, and talked badly of me behind my back. I guess that's what how you say...becoming an adult is all about.

Dec. 9th, 2014

It's such a creepy strange revelation when you grow up and realize certain family members are nothing how you imagined they would be. I'm specifically thinking of my grandmother. I had no idea growing up the severity of how hateful she is. Literally every day more than half of the things that come out of her mouth are complaints about something. Issues with her health, pain in her body, money problems—still holding on to this hope that she's gonna get "money" from her wrongful broken ankle "lawsuit" which happened years ago. I wouldn't doubt that the reason such awful things have happened to her in her life is because of all the negativity she's spewed out into the universe for so long. All the racist bigotry. All the pure hate. 100% negative hate. It's no wonder. The universe is gonna throw it right back at you tenfold. Sometimes I wonder how the hell we are even related. I have no choice but to love her...right?image
{Pictured: not my actual grandmother}

Happy alone and serious about it

I recently told a friend I haven't seen for a while how I am not seeing anyone and don't really want to, I think I'm asexual for now or something. He told me "don't worry you'll find someone" but I don't want to find anyone! I am content and excited to be happy alone, why is that so hard for some people to grasp? I am looking forward to focusing on myself, my goals, education, and ridding myself of as many unnecessary material posessions solely for the next 5 years. I want to save and save money so I can finally have enough to move to one of the cities I constantly dream about instead of just talking about and fantasizing about it. It's getting to be an embarrassment constantly saying "someday I want to live there"...I've been saying that for a decade now! So there's that.

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February 2015


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